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Corporate Training

Confidence, Self-Esteem, Anxiety… Meet Cedric Signori, a passionate Game Changer creating High Impact on many people in Hong Kong and in the USA.

ASIASPA Magazine’s Full Interview With Cedric Signori, November – December 2019

Cedric Signori

Before you became a professional mind coach, what sort of relevance did therapy have in your life and how did it shape your personal experiences?

As far as I can remember, I have always been looking for self-improvement, mainly because I thought I was not good enough in many areas or not completely satisfied by who I was. Trying to understand yourself and the world you are living in gives you a unique opportunity to expand your knowledge, explore the unknown, fail a lot, and then to finally learn valuable lessons and gain confidence in the process of life.

The word “therapy” never really resonated with me and I have to say, I still don’t like it very much when it comes to describing a method of better understanding yourself. First, it’s a very general term with a broad meaning, and second, it has that “never ending” connotation. In short, you know when you started, but you never know when it will end.

My aunt Christiane Deniot was a Sophrologist in Lyon, my hometown in France, so I was introduced to therapy very early in my childhood. Because of that, I became aware at a tender age, of the difficulties that one can face as an adult or a teenager. By sharing with me how sophrology works, my aunt put me very much at ease with the world of therapies. It was natural for me that you have to deal with your inner self, your fears, your doubts, your emotions, your past experiences that shaped the person you are now. Lack of Self-Confidence, Self-Love, Self-Esteem, Anxiety, Procrastination, Anti-Authority attitude, Depression, Burn-Out, Inflated Ego, you name it, I’ve got it… from my teenage to my late 20s, I’ve been through a lot of them and experienced all the struggles necessary to start aiming for a purpose-driven life!

In a way, therapy was for me, back at that time, for people that needed external help because they didn’t have the time or courage or opportunity to do their own self-introspection, or simply didn’t really want to face some aspect of their life.

Tell me something about your mind coaching business?

I didn’t become a coach because I wanted to. I’ve been indirectly chosen by others to become a coach.  In my corporate career, people were coming to me searching for advice or guidance because my teams were performing very well, in a very natural way, almost effortlessly. So everybody was wondering what was so special, what was my recipe for success. The truth is that I didn’t rely on any magic recipe; the only right answer was that I was doing my best to empower each individual on the team by sharing all my knowledge and by giving them the opportunity to better understand themselves, overcome their limitations and unlock their full potential. I was empowering the individual at a very personal level like l did for myself in my youth. I wasn’t afraid to expose myself, revealing my failures, fears and struggles in order to show them that it’s all part of the journey.

That’s how I started to coach other teams. After that, I created training seminars, and because my corporate clients were so happy with the results,  I ended up coaching the CEOs that first hired me to coach their own employees!

For me, coaching is still a natural state more than it is running a business. I have never developed it into a full-time activity.  It remains a part-time job that I will not push any further. I make most of my money with other businesses. That’s the reason why every person I am coaching has my full attention during our sessions and that person is still on my mind days after the session. Very often, I can have an “aha moment” three days after our discussion because subconsciously I am connecting the dots between all the things that were said during the session. 

Dealing with only a few persons per day gives you the freedom to complete your mission with the maximum chance to succeed in getting them closer to their goal. I still don’t understand how a therapist can manage one client per hour, for 8 hours per day, 5 days per week, and still be the most effective, optimally helpful coach… that’s almost 45 different challenges at the same time, and you can only focus for a very short time span on each of them.

I see my life coaching activity more like that of a mentor, where someone will share their own experiences and guide you through your own journey in order to help you to discover the gems that are hidden inside you.

Therapists vary considerably in how they run their practice. What sort of modalities do you use to counsel your clients?

I’m good at reading people, so when I recognize a behavior or anything that they don’t necessarily want to verbalize, I can use that insight later on in the conversation when it’s appropriate, and thereby avoid putting them in an unnecessarily uncomfortable position that would slow down our progression instead of reinforcing our bonds. 

In my personal life, I am a private pilot, and what aviation taught me is that you have to be very humble and always be ahead of the plane or the plane will fly you. So I behave the same way in my professional life: listen, understand, don’t believe you have the answer until you can verify it, have a plan, be very aware, have a plan B, think ahead, rely on facts and for the emotional part, be very open-minded and FEEL as much as possible; be ready to walk in the shoes of someone else, like an actor would do. So people feel comfortable with me very quickly. I have my expertise, but basically I am nothing more than another human that wants to help. I don’t have the ‘right’ answer, but they will find it themselves with my guidance.

Studies indicate that men are more reluctant to seek therapy than women? Why is that?

Men are not very comfortable when it comes to revealing their feelings. Sharing your emotions is considered mostly a sign of weakness. That said, it’s not necessarily only our fault. The highly male dominant society we have been living in for centuries reveres a strong, responsible man in control of his life, who can handle everything on his own, so the collective consciousness pushes men to behave like they never need outside help, which is not good at all. We all need support, attention, love, insights and help from others from the day we were born to the day we die. What I like to call the “Hollywood” model of men doesn’t help boys to become open-minded men willing to speak about their problems… even though we all love Hollywood characters in movies.

Sixty percent of my clients are men. The two main reasons are that first, my profile resonates with them, as I have been an executive, business owner, coach of CEOs/ top executives. They are looking for someone that will be able to understand them, with the same reference points. Second, Hong Kong and big cities like New York, Paris or even in Tampa, Florida where I spend a lot of time, are full of stressed people, working hard and very close to a burnout. They need somehow to find a way to get back in control and when they look for answers, they might find me on the Internet.

Is getting help from a mind coach a ‘manly’ thing to do?

Men tend to be inherently competitive, and that’s mainly because physiologically, we are influenced and driven by the hormone testosterone. There is that raging fire in your gut that unconsciously pushes you to play the “I want, I know, I can” game, where you have to prove yourself and you can do it. So as you are highly influenced by testosterone hormones until your mid-life, you are not looking for a passive therapy. You want a partner that is on the same page and will coach you on how to activate, ignite, trigger some changes in yourself. So yes, the word ‘coaching’ appears, at first sight, related to the same feelings as in sports, teamwork and competition. So men are more attracted and interested when they see  “Coaching” than when they see “Therapy,” but in fact the two are very similar. The coaching process is a little more pushy because through it, we accept engagement toward some tangible changes that we want to make happen in our life, so in a sense it’s more dynamic.

Would you be able to share any anecdotes on how you helped a client achieve his goals?

Many of my clients come to me because they want to change their life… at least some aspect of it. Often, during your 40s you realize that you’ve already spent a lot of your time on earth dealing with your financial situation, your family, your job… and you didn’t take care too much of yourself, especially of your dreams. It might be becoming your own boss, creating something, going to a different country or even becoming more of the person you have always wanted to be since sometime in your childhood or young adulthood.

To share an anecdote: once I was stuck with a client that I couldn’t help anymore to find his own answers, so we decided to do a hypnosis session to see if by being in an altered state of consciousness, he would ‘let go’ more easily and find some new clues… and he did indeed! The man had a very high position in a financial institution, but to relieve the high pressure of his job, he couldn’t stop partying, using and abusing many substances on a daily basis for years… he was literally killing himself. By exploring his subconscious mind in a sort of deep meditation through hypnotism, he was able to turn back time and live again his last years of studies in university. He was working so hard to be the best student, in his dorm room, curtains closed, in the dark, even during weekends and vacations, that the day he received his diploma he unconsciously made a promise to himself:  “I will never again miss a day of pleasure in my life and I will live it to the fullest until the end”… Well, he did that! It was a revelation to him! He couldn’t believe that he did what he said to himself that day, but now it was very clear for him. So then we worked on how to be at peace with the past and go for a brand new start with… new promises!

Also in one of my parallel activities, I organized a private event. Garry Kasparov, the Russian chess grandmaster was my guest. At first sight, I was very impressed by the highly confident, smart and driven guy he is. Later on I realized that he was, through his unconscious behaviors, very easy to read, just by watching and looking at him, and what I saw was very interesting.

At a social event, you have this fantastic opportunity to connect with various people from different horizons, so you are in a permanent adaptation mode.  Garry Kasparov is a fast calculator. He can, in a fraction of a second, generate the many combinations of a possible outcome, like a computer would do. He has a very factually oriented, binary mindset that processes information and classifies it as a yes/no result. It was very funny to see that unconsciously he was doing exactly the same thing with people. Every time he was introduced to someone new, he was sorting and classifying the person standing in front of him, and in the second after hands were shaken, I could tell you if he liked the person or not!  There is no room for “maybe” in his mind, not a chance. It was very funny because after that he offered me a copy of his book, How Life Imitates Chess, and my first thought was that an accurate title could have been “How Garry Plays Chess with Everything in Life”!

Are millennials more open to therapy than say males from a generation prior?

Yes, definitely. They see it more as a useful tool than as a therapy process per se. They are very relaxed with that.  Their relationship with work, friendships and their social environment has become highly complicated because of technology and the lack of real social interaction. That makes them prone to inner complications. They face different problems but have the same need to work on themselves from the inside out, It all goes to the roots of first, self-esteem, self-acceptance, love of yourself and then your vision for your life, what you like, what you would like, what you feel comfortable with, what you are attracted to… and finally a plan and the action to implement it.

How has technology (apps, video conferencing, etc.) shaped your business practice?

Video conferencing is absolutely a ‘must’ for keeping in touch with clients or even conducting coaching sessions if the client doesn’t want to be seen entering your practice office. Any type of text chatting app is useful for keeping in touch, but also can be very intrusive in my opinion. If the client is trying to be connected with you always or constantly, you have to be very clear about boundaries and the rules of “being in touch” through Whatsapp, Messenger, Wechat or whatever. If technology or any app can help you to relax or at least to make an effort to take some time for yourself, it’s a good move, but there is no magic app that will help you to better understand yourself and clarify your vision of life. No such app is available yet, but Artificial Intelligence and Quantum Computing could possibly help us out in the coming years!

Seeking a coach can pinch the pocket? What is the price point like? How do you explain to your clients that the monetary investment is worth it?

When I see how much one can spend on a new smartphone or any tech product that gives you the feeling of “being someone” simply by owning something trendy, I think to myself “if only they would spend some of that money on better understanding themselves, they would become the 2.0 upgraded version of themselves!”

Education sometimes has a cost, but in life we should be in a permanent state of learning, and occasionally we should spend some of our resources on educating ourselves.

I personally spend money for lessons, seminars, workshops, and online courses as well. It is as natural as spending money for a good dinner in a restaurant or any other positive activity.

A coaching session can run anywhere from 800 to 1500 HKD ( $130 USD in the states) per session each usually 45 minutes to an hour. Given that people need more than one session to move toward their goal, I like to propose to my clients a package of 10 sessions which is also kind of an upfront sign of commitment. By doing this, they commit themselves to coming at least 10 times, so even though one session might be more difficult than usual or is not exactly what they might have expected, they don’t give up on the spot, which would be a total waste of the previous sessions. I’ve never had a client who gave up.

Are there any miscellaneous comments you would like to add?

Yes, don’t be shy! A good coach is just another human being… one with no judgment, so no shame, we are all in the same boat, same planet, same universe!

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Counselling Executive Coaching Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

Rewriting beliefs Career Life Business Coach Hong Kong

Life, Business, Career…how to rewrite your beliefs with or without coach PART 2

choose-thoughts-coachingHKContinuing from Part 1…  How can we tell the difference between a productive thought and a non supportive one? Your emotions are your guide in letting you know whether they are good for you or not. Emotions are one of the many subconscious languages, so you should learn to listen to them no matter what because these feelings are yours. Repressing your emotions is not recommended because they are great indicator. Noticing how an idea makes you feel is one way to develop awareness.

Believing that this world is an unlimited multiverse where everything is possible will empower you and make you feel more confident. Your emotions will serve as a magnet that will attract circumstances, situations, and people that match these emotions.

The most important thing of all is to start selecting your own thoughts while keeping in mind that you are the master of your own existence. Having a zest for a loving life, and being appreciative is a natural state of being.

It even comes to a point where our beliefs influence how are bodies operate. Believing that we are healthy and vital beings will mean we are just that. If we think and believe that we are creative, capable, or powerful then these are the things that will be attributed to us. If we believe that something is easy or something is difficult, it will usually turn out the way we believe it will turn out. Whatever the situation, what happens to us is up to us. What is brilliant about this is that we get to choose what we will be, what we will have and what we will do regardless of what others say. Our perception of ourselves is very important and will literally define and create who we really are. Reclaiming this power is both challenging and rewarding. It’s more effective and quicker to make it happen with the right tools, techniques and therapies provided by your coach, as i do it in all session here in Hong Kong for life, business, executive and career coaching.

Awareness Choose Beliefs CoachingHKWe are now being tested to be self-aware on how we use the power of thoughts. We are born with a number of abilities but society cultivates a belief that we are but powerless beings. Our natural abilities are blocked at a very early age but this can be changed and we can become a creator of our own reality.

If you ask yourself right now what your heart truly wants by taking a look inside yourself, you will be able to see yourself better. Being compassionate while doing this will make it easier for you to accept yourself for who you truly are.

You can start asking yourself the following questions will help you:

  • Did I select my own belief system?
  • Which of these beliefs did I inherit from my upbringing, my teachers, and my family?
  • What is stopping me from being free and happy?
  • What is the thing that makes me angry the most and will I be able to forgive and let go of this?
  • What kind of thoughts do I have when I wake up?
  • Do I treat my body well?
  • What is my opinion about sex?
  • What are my beliefs when it comes to money and being wealthy?
  • How far is my family’s influence on my behavior?
  • What type of world do I want to be in?
  • What can I achieve in this lifetime?
  • Am I truly free?
  • What are the things I deserve from this life?

In our personal coaching session, we use different non invasive techniques to access the subconscious mind with you and get accurate answers from within. But by yourself, writing down your answers to these questions will help you. Sure it will be difficult to do so, but these questions are very revealing and they will guide you in knowing what you truly value and what you truly want.

belief system matrix coachinghkIf your beliefs do not serve you, you must discard these beliefs or expanding upon them but in certain situations, it is a bright idea to let go of one belief and replace it with another. Being flexible about your beliefs is a good thing because there is a need for us to transcend our thoughts for us to thrive. Practicing positive affirmations and believing in yourself that you can direct your own transformation is the best thing to do. For more insights on how to release yourself from the beliefs that chain you, it’s good to take one to three coaching session to learn the best techniques and be able to do it by yourself .

Whatever happens, you should always believe in your own worth because you are perfect. Recognize your own brilliance and do not be afraid to shine as brightly as you should. If you have questions or want to add something to this list, feel free to share them in the comments section. Remember that as we continue to expand our understanding of ourselves, things will just fall into place. The perspective of reality will shift and as a result will affect the world at large.

Remember, you don’t get what you want, you get what you believe. Every little progress should be celebrated no matter how small. Lead by example so that others can follow!

Take care,

Cedric

Cedric Signori
Life coach, Career Coach, Personal Coach – Hong Kong
Motivational Speaker, Communication Specialist, Consultant

Categories
Executive Coaching Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

Life, Business, Career…how to rewrite your beliefs with or without coach

rewriting-beliefs-life-coach-hong-kong-career-coach-HKIn life you don’t get what you want, you get what you believe. One of the things you can learn from an effective counselor, may it be the best life coach, career coach or executive coach, is that your beliefs have this certain kind of strength they have the power to become reality. In essence, what we perceive now in our mind would later on translate to experiences… in your real life here in Hong Kong or anywhere else. When a career coach helps us to realize the power of our beliefs at the most primal level, it becomes easier for us to understand why our jobs experiences are the way they are and start transforming them. Sometimes it is so powerful that it leads to a career change or a personal transformation.

Each person has a number of beliefs based from different sources including family propensities or inclinations, childhood experiences, and social and cultural influences among other impressions from past experiences. These impressions, define one’s 3-D reality because one’s belief system are the very thoughts that one holds most dear whether it is about oneself or about the world in general. It’s your blueprint defining if you are struggling with money, love, aging…. if your are stuck in life or if you feel happy with a meaningful life and successful career.

Those beliefs are our convictions at the subconscious and unconscious level, the core source of our thoughts – the “programs”, the patterns – that design what type of daily thoughts we have, the things we imagine and perceive to be a part of reality at the conscious level.

conscious-subconscious-mind coaching hong KongThese “programs”  are usually unseen since they are birthed in the subconscious mind where experiences of the inner and outer worlds are stored. They determine whether one is geared towards failure or success. it has for sure a lot to do with low self-esteem, self confidence, fears, habits and their opposites.

Fortunately, when these beliefs are changed or altered (re-programed with the help of a skilled and experienced therapist-counselor-coach), it also follows that our reality also changes.

This is the reason why it is very important to look inwards with an experienced transformational life coach or career coach that master how the subconscious mind works to see what core beliefs are about life and ourselves to match these to our goals and aspirations. Even for business, coaches are great help.

Opting to create an empowered, expansive and loving life or a successful career in hong kong would mean believing in an enormous amount of positive and constructive values, refusing to keep our self-destructive/blocking beliefs, negative energy and get rid of subconscious inner conflicts.

Belief System Coaching Hong KongPositive thoughts of course bring forth a better life while having a belief system based on fear will only separate or divide things so that the believer will be “secured” or “protected”. But one has to note that having fear is like having a nightmare –it appears to crises, competitions, and scarcity. Since the ego feeds on fear, it is easy for it to run the show per se. It is well-promoted too both in world affairs and in the cultures of the world. It does not have to be this way though. It is vital that we realize that we alone are responsible for our beliefs and that we can alter them. While this will not be a piece of cake alone because fear is a difficult nemesis to beat, it is doable as long as you are persistent in the process of thinking loving thoughts and that your main aim is a better way of life for everyone around you.

Continue Reading: Part 2“how to rewrite your beliefs”

 

Cedric Signori
Life coach, Career Coach, Personal Coach – Hong Kong
Motivational Speaker, Communication Specialist, Consultant

 

 

 

Categories
Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

How to attract the good things with your life coach

How to attract the good things with your life coach

Most people are familiar with the saying that ‘birds of a feather flock together’, meaning that people attract similar personalities around them.  What some have noticed is that ‘what you think, you attract’.  The people who spend time complaining about the world around them seem to attract ‘bad luck’, or miserable people, or more things to complain about.  On the other hand, happy people appear to attract ‘good luck’, good things around them, not only in their personal life but also in their career. They are a great at manifesting. It’s not imagination.  You do attract what you think. We create our own reality, attracting things is knowledge and as any other skill you have, manifesting is no different from driving a car! For the best results, you have to learn first with your life coach or business coach, practice a lot by yourself and it will become so natural that you will not even realize that you’re doing it!

So how do you deliberately attract the good things?

First, discover what you are thinking with your life coach and, if you don’t like it, change it with his help.  Ignore the people who say that ‘a leopard can’t change its spots’ and the voice inside that says ‘I am what I am and can’t change it’.  You are what you are and that includes the capacity to change yourself.

Discovering what you are thinking is a matter of being aware of it.  If you need clues, listen to the words you most frequently say.  Are they praise or criticism?  How often do you say good things about the weather?  How often do you say nice things about people?  What was the latest thing you just said?  Positive or negative?

It takes practice, but the more you are aware, the more you listen to yourself, the easier it becomes.  Your life coach will show you how to do it effortlesly. Soon you can hear what you are about to say, before it comes out.  That makes it a lot easier to change your mind about what you say.  You can choose to say positive things.

The more positive things you say, the more ‘thank you’ you express, the more praise you give, the better life will become and the more good things you will attract.

It might seem basic, too simple.  If it is that easy, why isn’t everyone doing it?  The sad truth is that we get a kick out of criticising.  So we keep doing it.  We feel that we must be better than the people we are criticising.  We feel clever if we say critical things about the weather or other people.  And it becomes a habit.  In a coaching session you will quickly experience that it’s easier to break that habit if we become more aware and pack more praise into our day.  That includes praise and thanks for ourselves as well.  To ourselves – not bragging.  Just the way you would say ‘thank you’ to someone else who had done something for you.  Don’t overdo it; just give positive recognition to yourself as well as to others.  And if there’s nobody to say it to, just think it out into the universe.  It’s you feeling and thinking it that does the good.

The more positive things we say, the more positive our thinking becomes and the more positive things we attract to ourselves.  Your life coach can be the one who might you wonder that you are in a different world entirely.

 

Categories
Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

How a Life Coach Makes A Difference!

Life Coach HK - Career Coach HKYou Don’t Need a Shrink; How a Life Coach Makes A Difference!

 Are you fed up with feeling overwhelmed or unfulfilled? Are you ready to transform the life you just live into a life you just LOVE? Changing your life can feel scary and unattainable when you try to go it alone… so bring a friend, a coach, or better yet, bring a life coach!

Making significant changes in your life is best facilitated by true partnership. That’s what the co-creative nature of coaching is all about. A life coach is like an objective friend with the expertise to guide you on journey of self-discovery and self-realization. If life’s lessons teach you anything at all, it’s that you don’t have to go it alone.

About a week ago it became very clear to me that the theme of this article would be friendship. After all, friendship is critical to success. When you combine challenge and togetherness you get effort, but challenge and solitude is an equation for struggle. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough struggle to last me a lifetime.

Friend is an old English word which means “to love or to favor”.  I can remember a time during my junior year of college when I really needed a friend.  I was at a new University with a new major in a new town and I didn’t know a soul on my first day of class. Midway through the day, I mustered my courage and walked right up to a girl sitting across from me. With a big smile, I cheerfully said “Hi!”

To my total dismay, she said nothing. In fact, she didn’t even look up at me, but stared straight ahead as if she hadn’t seen me at all. I went back to my seat confused and embarrassed and tried my best not to look hurt. That was almost 20 years ago, and yet I can remember it vividly. Like a majority of painful memories it was based on lies; the lie that I was invisible and the lie that I was essentially alone.

So much has changed since then. I’ve grown and evolved and discovered the truth that I’m never alone. I learned that what’s most important is to be honest and be myself and understand deeply that that is enough. And I learned that by entrusting others with the truth, it creates a conduit through which the favors and love of friendship can flow outward.  It’s only when I trust… that magic happens.  Magic is full of wonder and life is full of magic. It happens when you need it the most and when you expect it the least. In fact, it happened just this afternoon.

As I worked in the garden, I considered how to introduce the essential friendship of life coaching to the millions of people who confuse it with therapy. I was pruning back the overgrown rhododendrons and the blackberry brambles and thinking to myself. The light was growing dim as I moved closer and closer to the mailbox. I set down my rake, crossed the street and pulled out my letters. Among the junk mail I discovered a card with a return address of a very dynamic woman I’d coached over the summer. The envelope was torn and taped and oddly postmarked twice. I could see that the card had become lost along the way, trying to keep up with me as I’d made two moves in just six months. The letter had come from across town and had started its journey in the middle of July. Here it was the last week of September, but the timing of its arrival couldn’t have been more perfect.

I opened it to find a sweet illustration of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet having tea with honey. The caption read “It’s so much more friendly with two”. Inside, I found a beautiful heartfelt inscription: “Thank you for your guidance and light as I continue my journey toward abundance, prosperity and joyful living.  Woo hoo!!!”

I smiled with my whole body and I marveled at how life gives us such magnificent surprises and support in ways you could never imagine. I was reminded that true friendship is an invaluable exchange of a joy that encourages all life.

In the words of Donna Roberts:

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words.” 

 

Author : Joyanne Sloan

Categories
Counselling Life Coach Hong Kong

Self-confidence and self-esteem work together

Do you feel frustrated because you are making no progress in achieving the life you wanted?

Do you lack confidence or feel unworthy?

If you want to have the success that has eluded you for so long, you will need to improve both your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Many people do not realize it, but self-esteem and self-confidence are slightly different from each other.

Your self-esteem is a reflection of whether you truly believe that you deserve success in life. When you lack self-esteem, you don’t believe you have a right to be happy or successful. If you lack self-esteem, it won’t matter how talented you are because you don’t believe that you deserve success. In fact, if you have low self-esteem and you manage to achieve worldly success as a result of your talent and hard work, you will feel very uncomfortable inside. You will feel like a fraud inside no matter how successful you appear to be on the outside, and you will look for ways to sabotage your success.

A lack of self-confidence will manifest in a different way. If you lack self-confidence, you will be afraid to try the things that are important to you because you are sure that you will fail. You are convinced that you do not have enough talent, knowledge, or drive to succeed. When you lack self-confidence, you don’t believe you have the ability to be successful.

Improving your confidence is likely to take some time because you have many negative mental habits that you will need to change. You are very used to thinking about yourself in a negative way, and you have some very negative beliefs about your capabilities. Whenever you notice that you are telling yourself that you cannot accomplish a certain task or achieve a particular goal that is important to you, you have to stop the negative self-talk. In place of your negative self-talk, you need to substitute a positive affirmation. When you first start trying to give yourself some positive affirmations, your mind is likely to rebel against them.

You can improve your self-esteem by stopping your harsh criticism of yourself. Refuse to put yourself down when you feel that you are unworthy.  Affirm to yourself that you are deserving of happiness, success, and love. If your self-esteem continues to be very low, you should consider visiting a good counselor or psychotherapist for some help in changing your negative opinion of yourself.

When you improve both your self-esteem and your self-confidence, you will be excited by all the new opportunities you will find in your life.

 

Categories
Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

How a Life Coach Can Bring About a Paradigm Shift

How a Life Coach Can Bring About a Paradigm Shift

What is a Paradigm?

Well, in science, a paradigm is best described as the framework within which a particular scientific school of thought operates. A paradigm sets the boundaries within which, for example, experimentation takes place. On the plus side, this means the experiment is carried out in accordance with particular rules, particular ‘givens’, making it relatively simple to explore the results of said experiment and so understand the outcome. On the negative side, however, the boundaries created by the paradigm can also limit the extent of scientific exploration. This can lead to the stagnation of scientific thought within the discipline in question. It goes without saying, therefore, that, certainly in the long term, paradigms are harmful. They stand in the way of advancement, of evolution.

Paradigms were, at one time, the exclusive preserve of the scientific community. Nowadays, however, we talk about paradigms in almost every area of life, so we do in life coaching . We talk about political paradigms, sociological paradigms, business paradigms and even personal paradigms.

So, how do a life coach avoid the negative consequences of paradigms? Well, the life coach bring about what is known as a paradigm shift.

 

What is a Paradigm Shift?

 A paradigm shift is where a community or other collective body, by accident or design, begin to look at things in a completely different manner.

The most famous example is the paradigm shift brought about by Einstein when he published his paper on special relativity. Up until that point, Newtonian mechanics utterly dominated the field of physics. A more every day, comprehensible example is that of the quartz watch.

The quartz watch was created by the Swiss, renown as watchmakers for centuries. They failed to patent or market it, however, because their paradigm prevented them from seeing beyond their own superior (in their opinion) watch-making traditions. Consequently, the Japanese stole a march on them and have been at the forefront of popular watch-making and marketing ever since. The Swiss watch-making industry never recovered. This example is especially striking because the Swiss actually invented the quartz watch but failed to see its advantages. Their paradigm blinded them to what was right before their eyes.

Even Susan Boyle, of X-Factor fame, could be said to represent something of a recent paradigm shift. Up until the very moment she began to sing, the entire world appeared to be unable to accept that someone so physically unprepossessing could possibly sing with the voice of an angel. Up until then, beauty and talent were inextricably linked in our perceptions. We were, collectively, locked into a beauty/talent paradigm.

 

What Has This Got to Do with Life Coaches?

Think of a life coach as someone from outside your realm of expertise, with ‘your realm of expertise’ being, of course, you. A life coach doesn’t know anything about you, at least not at the outset. They don’t have any insight into your character, your history, the numerous events that have made you what you are. You might think this would put a life coach at a considerable disadvantage (of course, over time, your life coach will come to understand you like no other) but, at the outset, they are a pair of fresh eyes, which means they possess none of your life-limiting paradigms.

Like the Swiss, there could well be some completely life-changing tool right before your eyes, but your utter ‘you-ness’ will always get in the way. You could be literally moments away from a dramatic paradigm shift which could send your whole life hurtling in a new, hitherto unexplored direction. You could be on the verge of a wonderful and wild adventure. A life coach could be just the person to help you break down those barriers and make it all possible.

 

All it takes is a little shift.

Categories
Life Coach Hong Kong Life Coaching

Are You Looking for New Life Purpose?

Are You Looking for New Life Purpose?

Do you find yourself asking, “What is the purpose of life?” or “What is my purpose?”  Do you feel like you’ve hit a plateau?  Do you feel like you’re on a path that seems to be leading nowhere?

While you may feel like you’ve hit a wall or are going around in circles, there really is a way to make sense of it all.  The search for purpose really begins with admitting a need for it.  The next step is to hunt for the right resources or the right people to talk with that can help set you on your way.

Sometimes it’s hard to climb out of a rut on your own.  Help from a professional might be what you need.  Is it time to consult with a counsellor or life coach in hong kong?  Do you have anyone you can turn to in order to gain clarity; a good friend or a close relative?  You might be helped by spending time with happy people who model lives of purpose.  Most people benefit from having caring and insightful people with which to share life with beyond themselves.  When you’ve reached a plateau, having someone to help you see into the future, when you can’t see it for yourself, might be the difference you need.

 A Few Truths about Finishing A Season

There are a few truths about life that are also helpful to know.  One is that life is full of seasons. Ecclesiastes suggests there is a time and season for everything under the sun.  Rather than fall into depression when a season of life ends, it is helpful to realize that when one season finishes, another is about to begin.

Finishing a season can feel sad.  Grieving is a normal process for any loss.  Here is a small example of how people grieve as a normal part of life:

 

  • Imagine you’ve bought a double scoop ice cream cone and before you’ve had a chance to lick it, the ice cream falls to the ground.  How do you respond? Shock? Anger? Frustration? Remorse?  Though what you’ve lost is of minor importance comparatively in life, you still go through stages of grief.  Eventually you’ll move on, though. You might decide to ask for someone to clean it up, you might see if a free replacement will be offered.  You might just walk away and count your losses.

As silly as an example this may seem, it demonstrates how even the simplest losses cause a reaction.  No matter what precluded the lack of purpose you are feeling right now, grief might be part of it.

Most people experience a few feelings of grief when they finish school, leave a job, move away from friends and at various seasons of parenting.  When something ends, as things do with everyone, you might find it beneficial to grieve before moving on to find new purpose.

 

What You Can Do

If you are finishing a season and itching to move forward with new purpose, here are a few simple steps to take:

  1. Acknowledge a season is ending.  Permit yourself to have a grieving period.
  1. Reflect on the variety of purposeful things that were accomplished in that season.
  1. Commemorate that season if appropriate.  (Write a farewell letter or journal entry, scrapbook photos, frame a certificate, host a party, remodel a room, buy a new wardrobe—whatever fits the scenario.)
  1. Decide that you are right where you’re meant to be and waste no time feeling sorry for yourself.  Do the assignments in front of you and anticipate new things coming your way.
  1. Remember that even in difficulties, purposes are fulfilled.
  1. Make an intentional choice to enjoy everything beautiful that is around you right now.
  1. Refuse to fear the unknown future.
  1. Have an open mind and look for new opportunities.
  1. Look for positive people to spend time with.
  1. Look for role models whether they be local people or people you read about.
  1. Have a physical check up and get fit.
  1. Take new steps.

While transition usually feels uncomfortable, it is something that we all walk through.  Begin making plans for your next season.  Consult with a specialist such as a life coach, if you need a little guidance.  No matter where you are and what you are feeling right know, there is life purpose for you in the days ahead.

 

 

Joy R. Calderwood

Categories
Counselling Life Coach Hong Kong

Does Having More Stuff Make You Happier?

Does Having More Stuff Make You Happier?

The Disconnect Between Materialism and Well-Being

Hong Kong people love stuff. Whether it’s a new 3D television, the latest iPad, or several pairs of designer sneakers, the typical American owns more than they need. Yet, despite all they possess, people aren’t happy with what they have. Most continue to want more. At least that’s the report from a 2010 study that found having more and wanting more doesn’t make people happier.

The Consequences of Wanting More

According to the authors of Wanting More than You Have and Its Consequences for Well-being, continually wanting more stuff doesn’t make you feel better. In fact, it actually decreases individual well-being. The paper, which was written by J. Ian Norris of Murray State University and Jeff T. Larsen of Texas Tech University, looked at the American culture of desire and examined how the trend toward materialism impacts happiness and well-being.

Hong Kong people Have Lots of Stuff

It’s interesting to note that, even during an economic slowdown, most Hong Kongers continue to own far more things than they need. In the states, according to Experian Automotive, for example, nearly 35% of American households own three or more vehicles. Likewise, the Pew Internet and American Life Project reports that 35% of Americans own smart phones. In addition, according to a 2007 study by Nielsen Media Research, the average American household has more TVs than people. That’s a lot of stuff.

You would think owning more stuff would make people happy. It doesn’t. If fact, it may have the opposite effect.

According to the Norris and Larsen findings, “the acquisition of material goods places us on a hedonic treadmill. To the extent that our wants outpace our haves, we might become less happy, even as our haves accumulate. This leads to the prediction that wanting more will be negatively associated with well-being.” In other words, acquiring stuff doesn’t make people happier; it just makes them want more stuff.

What Really Makes People Happy?

So if accumulating stuff doesn’t make people happy, what does? That question was partially answered in a study conducted by researchers at the University of Illinois. Ed Diener, who specializes in the psychology of well-being, authored a piece entitled Subjective well-being: The science of happiness and a proposal for a national index.

In his research, Diener didn’t find a connection between happiness and what people own. Instead, he found a connection between happiness and strong ties to friends and family. In other words, it’s not what we have that makes us happy; it’s who we have to share it with.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

When it comes to having stuff and finding happiness, The Rolling Stones probably said it best. “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” What you need, it turns out, may not be the stuff you think you want. What you need may be more people to share your stuff with.

Categories
Life Coach Hong Kong Team Building Teamwork

5 Ways to Enhance Team Performance in the Office

5 Ways to Enhance Team Performance in the Office

In an office team in Hong Kong like in any other stressful city, it is vital for everyone to work well together. All employees in a team should not only be co-operative with each other, but should also be able to work efficiently and effectively to complete a task. These five methods explain ways to improve overall team performance in an office environment.

  1. Encourage Positivity
    Positivity in the office helps to increase employee motivation. You should always give praise to employees who consistently work hard. If a team member feels positive about his working environment, it is likely that he will be willing to put effort into enhancing team performance.
  2. Improve Communication
    Good communication is vital for creating an efficient and effective team in the office. Do not allow employees to communicate with each other through email. You should only allow team members to speak with other team members in person and through the telephone.
  3. Agree Objectives
    If everyone in an office team has a different objective, the team is less likely to function well together. Make sure that all employees in the office share the same goals so that the direction of working is clear.
  4. Listen
    You should encourage all team members in an office to listen to each other to increase motivation and team productivity. If a team member feels valued and listened to, he is more likely to perform efficiently.
  5. Promote Team Building
    Team building activities can not only strengthen bonds between employees working together, but they can also increase team efficiency and effectiveness in the office. You should always follow up after completing a team building exercise to ensure that team performance continues to improve.

Do you want a strong and effective office team? These five methods will help to enhance team productivity, efficiency and overall performance. If you want a big shift, look at the Corporate Oneness seminar.